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  • Writer's pictureLittle Tasha

I can’t breathe……let’s breathe in through the nose out through the mouth…… I

Obviously I am breathing 😂 slightly dramatic Tasha. Again I can laugh sitting here feeling slightly calmer than I did last night. I laugh because when anxiety gets so bad and you feel them pricks all through your body and the pains in your neck where you feel like someone is strangling you…… and not it the way that’s pleasing if you know what I mean, but full on ‘I AM GOING TO DIE TONIGHT THIS IS IT.’ I laugh because I turn to my meditation that tells me to breathe out my nose and through my mouth….. and the anxiety is increasing and increasing and your just trying your best to not move Suddenly in case pains start in your chest and you think your about to be rushed off in the middle

Of the night hooked up to a ecg. The calm silent voice says breath in and breath out and your minds going I am actually breathing at all is this through my nose or my mouth fuck I would breathe through my arse right now if it took this feeling away just help meh! All jokes aside I am keen meditator and it helps massively in depression and in calming my thoughts down to should I send that 10th text and explain how he makes me feel

Or not. ( I usually send it anyway, meditate after it) 😂 hence why I have started the blog so I am can stop being that person that sends 10th message of how his made me feel even though I kinda like to

Address the same matter that’s been the same for years 😂

Anyway back to the anxiety, seriously it’s next level shit side of mental health this. Least with depression you just withdraw and take to

Your bed and when your manic well I won’t go into what I get up to when I am manic, which has probably been the trigger to my experience with anxiety over the last year.

I use to have panic attacks but they come and go pretty quick, anxiety is a different ball game and even with all my tools I have acquired with bipolar, this ones a little bit of a fucker……

so what did I do? Believe it or not I just kept thinking I am so grateful now that I can just take this next breathe and the next….. It’s really draining being depressed and feeling like a Duracell bunnies at the same time, I didn’t sign up for this! One or the other is hard enough but a mixture is seriously hard work.

You know when you have that last rep in the gym and it takes everything you have, that was me yesterday but not in the gym in my life. I was that filled with anxiety I got home turn the lights off at half 6 and lay there till half 9 trying to calm down, but I didn’t feel manic I just felt like my body was vibrating my head was pounding and the thought of leaving that room to even drive to get my brows done seem impossible. I just couldn’t push through yesterday. Even for a new set of lashes and brows so yeah it was pretty fucking bad.

Sat in work now and it’s kinda rising again and being at home with my dog seems the best thing for me. So this is what I have come to and something I get told a lot. Just go with the flow….. the more your persist the worse it gets so am give myself a pat on the back that I made it to work this week

Even if I didn’t get everything done I wanted. Just breathe and be grateful you can breathe let me tell

You your grateful for breathing more than ever when it’s all you want to


I am work in progress with this anxiety it’s a different side of bipolar for

Me. I remember going on a visit and eating a packet of kalms and half a bottle of rescue Remedy, I still

Looked like I had something down my pants itching like I had fleas and sweating

But heat from my feet coming

Up to my weave. So I learnt kalms was not for me, well

Not a packet full anyway. I also

Learnt jail vists wasn’t for me either.😂

So for now all

I have for anxiety is just breathe and be grateful you can 😉 and stay away from places or situations that make it worse. Turn your phone off light a candle and just keep

Thinking this won’t last I am

Good, well there nowt much else you can do there wasn’t for me anyway. On a plus side I don’t hide in the wardrobe anymore, I try not to hide from

Brenda anymore I try and meet her head on 🙄👌🏽

Me myself and bipolar Brenda 😘


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